06 May 2011

List #8: Things I Learned This Week

1.  My Mom Will Always Make Me Laugh When She Says "Who" After I Say "Mandy Patinkin"

This is a LONG-standing inside joke.  I've blogged about it before, but I'm way too tired to go digging for it.  Some of you may remember it.

Basically, it started after a NASCAR race when Juan Pablo Montoya got punted by another driver.  I called and told her "My name is Juan Pablo Montoya, you killed my car.  Prepare to die," and she didn't laugh.  Then, I couldn't believe she didn't remember oh-so-many multiple times that Scott M.  and I watched "The Princess Bride" in our living room in middle school.  So I told was telling her about it.  I mentioned that Mandy Patinkin was in it.  "Who?"  "You know, he was Yentl."  (One of her favourite movies.)  She remembers the movie, doesn't remember him.  "Okay, he's in Criminal Minds."  "Which one is he?"  Well, since I don't watch that show, I have no idea which one he is, but I tell her "I think he's the guy in charge" (I've half paid attention the few times they've had it on when I've been there on holiday).

But I told her that he has once of the most famous lines in "The Princess Bride" - My name is Inigo Montoya..."  So that Christmas, I got her the movie.  When it got to that line, so said, "All this because of a stupid wreck?"  Pretty much, Mom.

Ever since then, every time I say "Mandy Patinkin" (and he comes up in conversation much more than one would think!), she says, "Who?"...   even doped up on morphine.

2.  Some People Are Incapable of Keeping Secrets

Mom told me not to tell anyone she was in hospital because she didn't want anyone to visit her.  However, she has a friend lifelong friend named Juliah.  They were born a month apart and lived a block apart since they were born.  They were to the same school from K-12 and lived in the same city until Juliah moved to Colorado several years ago (oh wait - there were a few years when Mom's first husband was stationed in CA, compliments of the Navy, but you get the idea).  Anyway, I called Juliah and figured that was safe because Juliah wouldn't go visiting Mom from CO, AND I knew Juliah would want to know Mom was in hospital.  What I didn't realise was that Juliah then called her daughter Rhonda (who lives in the same area Mom does) and sent Rhonda to hospital to visit Mom.  Also, Juliah promised to tell Mom that it was me who called her.  Guess how long THAT lasted.  HMPH.

(Btw, I texted Rhonda and thanked her for visiting my mom.  She texted back "Of course.  Thanks for letting us know.")

Then, Dale went to bowling league and blabbed to his bowling partner and Mom's bowling partner.  Dale's bowling partner, K, told his wife, C.  C went to visit Mom.  Mom's bowling partner L went to visit Mom.  Dale blabbed to his brothers D and R, so then then the sister-in-law K found out and went to visit.

Clearly, people should not be trusted.

3.  Some People Who Ride Public Transit Are Gross

While I was waiting for the trolley the other day, this woman sitting on the bench took off her flip-flops, and proceeded to put lotion on her bare feet.  The only thing I kept thinking was that she was then going to handle the handrails with the same hands she had handled her bare, sweaty feet with.  And if the seats were full, she might have to hold the bars on the trolley to steady herself if she was a standee.  I decided that I was NOT going to get on the same trolley with her.  And that I was going to start carrying more Purell with me.

4.  Sometimes, I'm a Little Too Organised for My Own Good

I had an appointment for an MRI and an arthrogram yesterday.  Since I was raised by a police officer and a teacher, it has been drilled into me that "YOU ARE NEVER LATE."  Although it was going to take about 30 minutes (tops) to get to this 11:15 a.m. appointment, I left my house around 10:05 a.m.  About halfway there, I realised that I had left the scripts at home.  I got off the trolley at the next stop, crossed over to catch the trolley going back home, went home, looked for the scripts for about three minutes, then remembered where they were.  They were in the side zipper pocket of the bag I'd had with me the entire time (I had put it there last week).  Back on the trolley I went.  And I still got to the appointment on time.

5.  It Doesn't Matter How Often Mom "Watches" "The Mentalist," She Still Has No Idea What's Going On

Don't get me started on the epic (and utterly ridiculous) fight we had about this show a few months ago.  Just trust that after the show was over, I called her to discuss it, because I know she and her husband watch it (because I've called during it only to be told that I was interfering with the watching and enjoyment of said show), only to discover that she had no idea who I was talking about.  Basically, the end of the conversation went a little something like this:

Me: You know, THE MENTALIST!!!!!! (almost screeching)

(And it didn't better from there.  We actually ended up hanging up on each other.  Yes, over a tv show.)

Last night, I called her to see if she had watched it from hospital because the end was REALLY good (don't worry; this is a spoiler-free zone).  No, she had gotten sucked into a show on HGTV.  I told her something about Rigsby and Van Pelt.  Then I said, "You have no idea who I'm talking about, do you?"

Mom: Uh...  the main guy writes books, doesn't he?
Me: You're thinking of "Castle."
Mom: Oh.  Right.
Me: Nice try, though.
Mom: OH!  The main guy does all the thinking!
Me: They're CBI (CA Bureau of Investigation) agents, Mom.  They ALL do thinking.
Mom: Oh.  Well... the main guy... uh...  is cute?
Me: Mom... make an effort.  Or just give up.
Mom: Yeah, I have no idea.
Me: The main guy used to be a psychic, and his wife and daughter were killed by Red John.  And he's spent the years since looking for Red John.  That's the entire premise of the show.  That's why he consults for the CBI.
Mom:  Yeah, I have no idea what show that is.
Mom (laughing): Apparently, only he watches.
Me: This is the show with a Chinese guy on the team.  And he has funny one-liners.  Ring a bell?
Mom: Nope
Me: I give up.

1 comment:

  1. So basically, Dale can not tell YOU your mom is in the hospital - but elsewhere is a blabbermouth??

    Angie loves that Inigo Montoya quote. Uses it as her calming mantra before a tough fencing bout. ( I didn't watch Disney movies with her - the one's she saw she saw in school or at friend's) but I did make sure she saw the true classics.

    People are gross. Period. It's why I had to switch to Gold Bond hand sanitizer - i was killing my hands with the other kind. I go through a pocket size tube A DAY!! - and by day I mean 8 hours of work.

    I give myself 2 minutes for things to go wrong. SO things like a red light can screw my day.