19 August 2009

Contest: Name The Boy

As some of you know, I've been chatting with a guy I met online a couple of months ago. I won't go into the details here and now, but we were supposed to meet about a month ago, but things went awry and we didn't. Let's just say there were a misunderstanding, we cleared it up, and we kind of mutually agreed to start things over.

So far, I've been referring to him as "The Boy," which is a reference to the fact that he is much younger than I am. Those who have known me for awhile know that I am all too fond of nicknames, acronyms, and backronyms. Those who have known me for a LONG time will remember the days of the CARG (Cute Asian Religion Guy - who was neither Asian nor religious) and the CNG (Cute Neighbour Guy).

Anyway, last night, I verified with The Boy that we were still on for today. He said we were but warned that he might have to reschedule at the last minute or push the time back due to his younger sister's (she's in her late teens) tonsillectomy, which was scheduled for late morning. I asked him a few times if he was sure he didn't want to reschedule, and he kept saying he wanted to meet in the afternoon as planned. He got my number and the plan was for him to call me to let me know whether we were still meeting, as soon as he knew.

At 3:30 p.m., as I was leaving work, he called to say that he was going to have to reschedule as he needed to go to the store to get Gatorade, ice cream, etc., for his sister. At the time, I was mildly disappointed, but as the afternoon went on and by the time I got home, I had worked myself into righteous indignation (I had to run to the pharmacy first in the city).

I chatted with some friends but that didn't go so well. I'm not sure if I wasn't properly communicating why I was frustrated or what I was frustrated about, but somehow I ended up being more frustrated. Basically, I was frustrated because I felt like I had given The Boy a few outs last night. I had tried to understandingly give him a couple of "outs" that he could have taken and rescheduled the first meeting. But HE was the who insisted that still meet. If he was going to cancel on me, I'd much rather have it happen the night before rather than an HOUR before as I'm on my way to meet him. I also am still unsure why this after-care stuff hadn't been taken care of previous to the surgery. Didn't SOMEONE in the family stop to think that MAYBE it would be a good idea to have this stuff on hand before post-surgery?

Anyway, as luck would have it, my therapist is on vacation this week, so I called the emergency/on-call therapist. I was lucky enough to have her actually answer her phone, which is good since I'm not sure I would have had the nerve to have left a message. This is basically how that conversation went:

Me: I'm Min and I'm one of Nancy's lost children
Mona: Okay, yes. She said you might call this week. (Always a good sign when you're therapist knows you're such a mess she warns the on-call therapist about you.)
Me: I think I've forgotten how to breathe.
Mona: Okay. Well, how can I best help you?
Me: (By this time, I'm sobbing on the phone) I was su-su-su-supposed to meet this guuuuuuy and he ca-ca-can-cancelled and all my friends are taking his siiiiiiide and it's frustrating and it's upsetting I feel like I'm screaming into a wind tunnel and I can't breathe but mostly I don't wanna be THAT GIRL sitting on her couch crying OVER A BOY!!!!!!!

And then Mona explained that sometimes shit happens and sometimes that shit is disappointing and SOMETIMES that shit involves a boy. And that when the disappointing shit involves a boy, it doesn't have to involve a value judgment about self.

I explained to Mona that what was frustrating was that my normally EXTREMELY supportive friends didn't seem to be hearing me. They seemed to taking The Boy's side and defending him. And she helped me take a step back (and BREATHE) and realise that it isn't about sides. I told her that I felt like I was screaming into a wind tunnel. And she helped me feel listened to. And then she said a magic sentence. She said that while she didn't know, it was possible that maybe he didn't reschedule last night because he was really interested in meeting me today.

And then it clicked for me. I think this is what my friends had been trying to say to me, but I wasn't hearing it that way. Kirsten and I talked about it this evening, and we discussed how interesting it is that just changing one or two words in a sentence changes the entire dialogue, the whole complexion of the discussion. Good stuff, that. It's one of the reasons that, as great as my friends are, I'm so reluctant to stop therapy. And I love that I have friends who get THAT, too.

ANYWAY... back to the title of this blog post. Kirsten and I were discussing that The Boy needs a new nickname. My creative juices are running low these days. And we thought this would be a good blog contest. So... GO.

1 comment:

  1. I think Dorkboy has a good ring to it. And if it turns out he's not a dork after all (which sadly is starting to seem increasingly unlikely) it can be an affectionately insulting nickname.