13 November 2011

Phone Call with My Mom

I did not have a good sports weekend.

I'm still bitter about Mizzou being moved to the SEC.  One of my NASCAR drivers is in the hunt for the championship, but he's only in the lead by three points.  Another of my drivers is in hot water with his sponsor, NASCAR, and most of the fans, and by their reaction, you'd think he'd ran over all of their grandmothers and boiled their puppies (he didn't, by the way -- just to clarify).  And yet another of my drivers (in a different series) ACCIDENTALLY wrecked a championship contender and pretty much ruined that guy's chances at winning the championship (oops).

As soon as that happened, the phone rang.  (Hi Mom.)

Me: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
Mom: He's a loser who can't drive!
Me: You don't even know!

(We were still on the phone about five minutes later when they started interviewing two of the guys involved in the wreck.)

Me: Hey!  Why aren't they interviewing Jason?  He's standing right there!
Mom: BECAUSE HE'S A LOSER!
Me: They're being biased against him!  They aren't getting his side of the story!  No fair!
Mom: Ha ha - they don't like him, either!
Me: Shhh, now they're talking to him.

(Jason admitted he made a grave error and felt awful.)

Me: SEE???  He's man enough to admit a mistake, take ownership, and be remorseful.  What more do you want?
Mom: BLOOD!  I WANT BLOOD!
Me: You frighten me.
Mom: You asked.
Me: Don't talk to me right now.  I'm mad at you.
Mom: Why?  Because you like losers?
Me: Shhh.  Don't talk to me!
Mom: I can't talk?
Me: That's right.  I'm mad at you.  You have to be quiet.
Mom: Then can I hang up?
Me: No.
Mom (laughing): Oh, I have to sit here and be miserable?
Me: Yes, that's right.  That's your punishment.
Mom: Hmph.  Well, can I --
Me: SSSHHHHHH.  I'M BEING MAD AT YOU!

Felix comes over and meows into the phone.

Me: See?  Even Felix knows!  He's telling you how wrong you are!
Mom: No, he's talking to me because he feels bad for me.
Me: Traitor.

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