27 July 2009

More sick stuff

For those of you who are tired of hearing about me droning on about being sick, skip this post. And as a buffer, here's a pic to protect you from the sick wank.

Okay, now, for the rest of you.

Here's an idea of how I'm doing these days.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping by myself. On the way home, I passed a road sign. A road sign that has been there for years. It hasn't changed. Nothing different about it. Yet it made me cry. What was it? Just a sign that read:

Walt Whitman Bridge
No Toll in This Direction

I have no idea why it was so tear-inducing. It was JUST SAD!!!!! As I said to my therapist today, "It's like, you can just get on the bridge and go and no one cares and there's NO TOLL!"

Go figure.

But here's the overall trip in the nutshell: Go to Target. Find out there are no frozen foods. Go slightly postal on manager. Go to grocery. Find adorable toddler to smile at and wave to. Chat with toddler's mom. Get teary-eyed about how cute the toddler is. Forget cheese. Park cart to get cheese. Lose cart. Pass random cart and note that shopper bought same taco sauce I did. Panic that I lost my cart. Pass same random cart and note that shopper also bought same same taco shells I did! Wonder how the fuck loses a cart in less than three minutes. Pass same random cart and note that shopper also bought the same BREAD I did... oh. My cart. Cry in dairy aisle. Check out behind toddler and mom. Smile at how cute toddler is. Pull self together. See bridge sign. Cry on way home.

At work, I am grateful for my theatre minor because I feel like I pull off the Greatest Acting Job ever. I have started to isolate from friends more because I feel like they can't possibly be able to stand one more story about how depressed I am or how tired I am or how sick I am or how sick and tired I am of being sick and tired.

Once I get home, I'm so exhausted from acting at work all day, I just Come Undone. Completely.

Although, I did have a victory this weekend. Despite my best efforts, I was unable to sell my spots in my Wendy Johnson sock classes this past weekend. So I went. It was hard. And exhausting. And frustrating. And annoying. I can't say that I'm completely happy that I went, but I don't completely regret it, either. This, my friends, is a victory.

I would like to say one more thing, especially to my local friends. I know there are many of you experiencing Life right now. Losing jobs, losing relationships, moving, etc. And I wish I could be there for you. And I'm trying. And I'll be there as much as I can. But I refuse to promise more than I KNOW I can deliver. I will, however, promise to do what I can.

And, as always, I do love you.


  1. One day at a time, one moment at a time. That's all you can expect of yourself. That's all anyone can expect. =)

  2. I love the kitty! and i love your other cat.

  3. I'm glad you went to the sock class. :) Penny sends (slightly toothless) kisses.

  4. I think you are functioning amazingly well all things considered. Love you! {{hugs}}

  5. Hang in there dear! Like turtlegirl said, one day at a time.